Write the love letter to Clark Gable. Forget that he is dead and gone. Remember the way that his movies made you feel. Dot your I’s and cross your T’s. Be done with this portion of your life. Don’t worry too much about your spelling because he will still be a gentlemen. Make sure that you put a stamp on it. Send the letter to the studio, and wait for a reply. Receive a reply saying he is dead. Don’t believe them, because they don’t know anything.

Ignore them when they tell you that you are crazy. Keep living your life the way you do. Let classic movies be your inspiration. Live inside of them if you have to. Aspire to be an actress, like the ones of old. Be inspired by Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Katherine Hepburn. Make conscious efforts to act like them. Perm your hair. Apply red lipstick—and do it liberally. Act dramatic at the tip of a hat.

Let your friends go to the movies without you because you can’t bear this new stuff. Try to show them the beauty of black and white. Teach them the joy of musical comedy. Make them watch Singing in the Rain with you over and over and over again. Don’t give up, girl, because one day they may just come around. Be okay with their laughter and concerned looks. Tell them that this is what you are passionate about. Tell them that this is your ballet, your scotch, your shopping, your infatuation. Convince a few of them that your dreams are valid.

Become your own personal antique. Shop at thrift stores for old furniture. Display knick-knacks of your great-great grandmothers with pride. Dress like a flapper girl, or a hardworking mother during the war. Don’t take their criticism. Revel in the past. Let it shape the way you think. Pick up mannerisms from the movies that you watch and carry them around with you. Really get into your role. Become classy so that you will be respected. Keep reaching for your goal of Hollywood Star.

Push yourself until you are exhausted and poor. Spend hours crying and trying to memorize lines. Be rejected at auditions because you are too ‘old-fashioned’. Don’t give up. Look for a job that is closer to your dreams. Only do the cocaine when someone else gives it to you. Get too skinny because that is what they want. Learn to play the piano or sing. Have relationships with men that don’t make sense when they talk. Live the life of a star without yet being one. Get a feel for it.

Go to one final audition, even if you haven’t slept for a week. Sing, dance, and fake a smile for as long as you are screaming on the inside. Hear them promise a call back. Sit at home, drinking Jack Daniels and waiting for the phone to ring. Get a call saying your rent is long overdue. Give up all hope. Contemplate suicide. Hear the phone ring again. Pick it up. Hear his voice, Clark Gable himself, asking you to come back to the studio for a second audition. Breathe a sigh of hopeful relief. Slip into madness.