he found her, again, staring up the clouds. he rolled his eyes and thought to himself, is waiting for her all the time really worth it? she was always stopping to stare at the things he thought were mundane: clouds, grass, trees; things of that nature. he was like, duh, it is only just nature, it is everywhere, but she still wanted to stop. sometimes he would be walking along, talking to the air next to him when he realized that she was still fifteen steps back, pondering a brick wall or even a twig. whenever he asked her she would just respond,
"well, it would make a good photograph. it is all about those moments, paul."
paul never liked that response because photographs weren't important to him. they were just paper, is all. and besides, a photograph couldn't speak, or let you feel the sunshine it contained. he just didn't get it. plus, delia didn't even own a camera.

he waited a long minute before delia spotted him, skipped over, and absentmindedly looked into his face.

"the sky is just really gorgeous today. i think i would like to live in it."

paul had no idea what that meant, so he grabbed her hand and walked her down the street. he attempted conversation, but things had been rough lately.

"so ummm, how are things going with your new roommate?"

"oh, you know, terrible. it's like, 'hey, i just want to be able to go to bed by midnight', but she just like, is cutting off her hair in the sink all the time, and so i am never able to brush my teeth. there are bags under my eyes now. and i keep wondering how she still has hair left to cut off."

"well, alright. that sucks. what about work?"

"oh, you know, that's terrible too. my boss is always whining about how her husband works too late, and because of it her child is out of control, and because her child is out of control she smokes, and because she smokes she can't breathe. and because she can't breathe it's a never-ending cycle. i just want to say, 'hey, drink instead. you might lose inhibition but at least you won't cough so loud at work. or get rid of the kid'."

"well, there has to be anything good going on in your life, right?"

at this point she took her fingers from his and turned to face him directly, her eyes pleading with him,

"you know what paul, no. absolutely nothing. i want to run away all of the time lately. i stare into the sky and dream of flying away, to basically anywhere. absolutely i am sick of it here. we used to be adventurous, paul. we did, and you know it. now there is nothing."

paul didn't know what to say to this, so he stared at her for a moment. finally a thought crossed his mind.

"so you are saying not even i am good enough? damn, delia. i don't know what to do about this anymore. is it even worth me trying to fix it? everything is depressing, or stupid, or awful. i don't know what to do for you."

"i am saying where is your adventure in your soul? like, why don't you find beauty in things, too? why don't you want to take photos, or hop into a freezing lake, or travel the world? we used to have dreams, didn't we? i haven't given up on mine, and i feel like, stuck, because you have given up yours."

"i never said i gave up. the thing is that i worry about you! i have to make money to do those things, i can't just pack up and 'fly into the sky', i have to pay for our dreams. my adventure for right now is loving you in this busy city. but lately you are making it seem like that is not good enough."

"and lately i am wondering why we are having this conversation in the middle of a beautiful park, when i could be taking photos of things like that dog."

"delia, you are living a life that isn't there. you don't have a camera. you are focusing on what isn't happening. besides, who needs a silly piece of paper? i don't get it. "

"well, i don't get you. you don't see beauty like i do. you are always worried about everything, like, what if your bank account overdraws, or what if your car breaks down, but me, i like the little things. sometimes there is more beauty in just one blade of grass than a whole life of love."

"delia, that is ridiculous. and it makes no sense."

"well, you make no sense. and i think we need to take a break for at least three days until i can compose my thoughts."

so she left, and paul was left thinking the is it worth it to wait? questions again. except, now he had some other things to address. like: true, delia was more pessimistic than usual lately, but was he really doing things he wanted to do? he remembered the nights they would drink a bottle of wine and sit in her backyard. they would get tipsy and talk for hours about what they were going to accomplish in the future. it was probably the future by now, but was he stuck?

three days went by, and paul continued to work and think. one night, though, he got home from an especially rough day. his boss had announced that they were downsizing, and, though he was keeping his job, he was getting triple the workload, but with the same salary. his thought was, okay, really, this is the most bummer week ever. he unlocked the door and went to grab a book to unwind. as he was reaching up to the shelf, though, something fell on the floor. he bent to pick it up, and was surprised to find his own face staring back at him. it was a photo, from the year before, of him and delia at a party. a friend had taken it and given it to him, and not wanting to be rude paul had kept it. he didn't see the point of it, because they were always together anyways, but he kept it all the same.

tonight, though, the photo affected him. he looked at it and for the first time noticed the colors. blues, greens, the purple of delia's shirt, the blue of her eyes. he noticed a sparkle in his eyes (and hers) that he hadn't noticed as of late. he noticed warmth, something he thought a photo couldn't radiate. a whole story unfurled before his eyes, and he was wondering why it was beautiful. his heart started to ache and swell with a feeling that made him nervous. delia was right, probably. so the typical thing to do would be to apologize. and he wanted to, he wanted to be brave for her, and to let her know he supported her dreams and stuff, and had his own, too, but he worked the next morning. the photo went back on the shelf for the night.

the next morning paul woke up, happier than usual. he drank his boring coffee, and drove his boring car to work. on his desk, where he'd sat for the past three years, was a letter in familiar script. it was from delia. she had to write it, she said, because she was really going to do it. she had to get out, and she didn't think he was ready. so it was goodbye, or something, until he was ready for her. he crumpled up the letter and sat down resignedly.

but he didn't give up. he decided to do something different. he gave it a week, got anxious, and bought a camera out of frustration, hoping for easy remedy. each day he took a photo of himself trying something new. he would mail them to various addresses, old homes where delia grew up, roommates she still kept in touch with, family members that he knew well. he also took photos of the little things that she would often stop to stare at, even though he still didn't see the beauty. he did this for three months before he heard anything from her.

the third month, paul got a letter. it was simple: i miss you still, i think. meet me and let's try to discuss our lives. he gathered up all of his photos and printed them off, one by one, on business cards. they met again at a park. her skin was more tan but her eyes were not as bright. she looked tired.

"so where have you been?"

"well, everywhere i thought would be great. you know, the ocean, the desert, the forests. but something was just off, like, when i was there, it wasn't true adventuring. it was more like running away."

paul didn't know what to say to this, because she looked so sad, and his heart broke for her all over again, and he saw, for the first time, an image he never wanted to see again but thought he had to capture. so he pulled out the camera, and snapped a photo. delia was shocked.

"oh, yeah, when you were gone i bought this. and i sort of took these for you. and i guess you can have it now, since you love this stuff."

he showed her his photos, increasingly embarrassed because none of them had soul, like the last one. but something changed in her. she looked up at him with her sad eyes, but there was a hope brimming inside of them.

"let's leave again. together. please, try this for me once. look at what you just did try for me. i want more moments like this, without interrupting roommates or city life. i can teach you. and you can tell me the stories i am ready to listen to again."

paul thought about it, and this time he was ready to try again, even though he knew it would be a long time before things were really fixed. he nodded yes, and handed her the camera so she could capture the moment.